There are several people throughout the world, whether they wanted to or not, have become 'Christian celebrities.' These are people who are either authors, speakers, pastors, evangelists, etc, who are very well known throughout various parts of Christendom. There are some who seem to welcome and embrace this status while there are some who try to avoid 'celebrity status' at all costs. While I am at no risk of becoming one of these 'Christian celebrities,' I find myself wrestling with an issue that relates to it.I can't help it. When I hear about friends of mine who have been asked to write for certain magazines/books or asked to speak at camps, retreats, conferences, schools, etc, I find myself thinking, "why not me?" What is it that I lack that I am not sought after for these things? I don't have to think long and hard to realize that there is a deep-rooted pride within me that wants to seen as something and that wants to be known as somebody. When I am occasionally asked to speak somewhere, why is it that I enjoy it so much when other people find out? Perhaps it is because there is a large part of my heart that is still trying to seek the approval of others. God, may my heart seek to give you honor and glory above all others.
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Jay -
ReplyDeleteFirst off, you are not alone in your feelings.
It may indeed sometimes be pride, but I believe that we certainly also have an inbred need for affirmation. It's a subset or corollary to being in community. While it's unfortunate, the highest form of affirmation in our society is recognition. It comes in many forms, from things as obvious as a pay raise to things more personally indelible like a word of thanks from a teen or other parishioner. And recognition as "reward" has unfortunately not escaped the Church, despite Christ's praise of lastness, the meek, etc.
I don't know if this is good or not, but I have sometimes tried to turn this feeling quickly to feelings of "good" pride. Like, "Oh wow...Ryan Scott has a book published and you can link to it right on Amazon.com! That's my boy, my homey! I was his roommate and knew him way before anyone else."
Grace & Peace,
- J